This year I’m going to…

Shining like a newly minted penny, a fresh January start is upon us and for a while - maybe a week, a month, or even the rest of the season - the world seems to spring to life with possibility and a desire to embrace change, start afresh, and set to work on bettering ourselves.
 
I'm not a New Years resolution maker. Never have been, doubt I ever will be. If I want to change something about my life or myself, I just do it. Right then, right there, or at the very least, as soon as possible. I don't procrastinate, I don't typically fear change, and I'm not afraid to roll up my sleeves and do some (proverbial) heavy lifting, when life calls for it.

That said, it can be both beneficial and enjoyable to kick off a new year with certain areas of your life, plans and goals at the forefront of your mind. Last year, I launched 2013 with a list of adjectives that I hoped I would embody more than ever in the twelve months that followed.

It wasn't that I hadn't been those things before, but rather that I wanted to live them to an even greater degree. Though some took a while to really hit their stride, and I'm still working to bolster others to a greater degree, I'm genuinely happy to say that I feel, a year onward, that I really did embody each of them to a greater degree. During, and in the months after, our trip to Calgary, for example, I found myself being braver, more confident and adventurous than I'd felt in many years, and I absolutely love this!

I, like each of us, have very little clue what this year will ultimately hold in store, but I'm really hoping it puts 2013 to shame. Was last year all bad? Thankfully, goodness, no, but it wasn't always the bee's knees by any means either, and as (call it coincidence, if you like) I tend to have better years when they fall on even numbered dates (as in 2014 this year), I'm really hoping that the year that sees me turn thirty in July, will be an incredible one.

Along the way, there are certainly things that I plan to do more, or less, as the case maybe and today, for my first post of this great new chapter in our lives, I wanted to share some of them with all of you. So without further ado, may I present a quick overview of some of what I hope, I will, and will not, be up to as we embrace and celebrate each day of the coming year.


1. Sweat the small stuff less!: Yes, we've all heard, and likely said a time or two, that we're going to do this, but last year I made a conscious effort to really live that mantra, and and it helped to noticeably reduce my personal stress levels (I'm a natural worrier/prone to really internalizing stress), so I'm going to try and sweat even less of the things, that in the grander scheme of life, don't matter much, if at all, throughout 2014.


2. Spend less time online: I absolutely flat out love, and could scarcely picture my life without the internet (a point I discussed last fall in this post), especially because I'm so frequently bedridden/housebound, but it's neither healthy (fresh air does the body wonders!) nor getting the most out of one's existence to spend a massive amount of time online every single day, and so this year, I'm going to make a conscious effort to purposely set aside a day or two every now and then when I don't even so much as flick on my computer, and may even take the occasional blogcation entirely. The web rocks, but so does the real world, and that's something that's become all too easy to forget at times in today's world, where it seems like we're connected to the internet 24/7.

3. Buy more items in person: Now granted, I doubt I'll ever stop shopping online entirely and have zero desire for such to be the case, but getting the chance to shop for vintage in person in Alberta, as well as a few locations (chiefly the city of Vernon) locally last year, really drove home how nice it can be to hold, inspect, and if applicable, try on an item before I buy it. My town doesn't have any vintage clothing stores, so I'll always do some of my wardrobe shopping online, but I'm also going to try to simply tuck more of my personal budget aside to spend when I get the chance to travel again and/or attend some of the antique and collectible fairs that happen each year throughout the Okanagan Valley.

4. Take care of the mending pile that built up in 2013: I do try to stay abreast of my mending, but it seems like a fair number of garments have developed minor issues that need attending in the past few months, and whether I take care of them myself or have them fixed by a professional, by the time spring returns, I want my mending basket to be a ghost town again.


5. See more of the world: I'm a realist. I know that my chronic medical problems will always severely limit the amount (and duration) of traveling that I can do, where I can go, and what I'll fill my time with once I get there, but last year's week in Calgary reawakened a sense of wanderlust in me that I'd nearly forgotten I had, and and which now wants to try, circumstances permitting, to take at least one trip each year. It might not be to the furthest reaches of the earth, but that's a-okay, just as long as it's something that strikes me as fun and exciting, and which, hopefully, holds the promise of at least a little vintage shopping! :)


6. Try new things and push myself outside of my comfort zone: I like to think of myself as a fairly brave person - I've certainly stared my own personal Goliaths in the eyes and knocked them out on many occasions, but sometimes it's great to throw yourself headfirst into something totally new, wholly different, and which even scares you silly. A few months ago I read a quote (I wish I'd bookmarked it at the time) that said something to the effect of that "Nothing is never as frightening as the first time you do it", and that sentiment has lingered with me powerfully ever since.


7. Not let other people's problems, which I have no actual firsthand roll in, stress me out so much (or take up so much of my time): Every day I receive dozens of different emails (and Facebook messages) from people, most of whom I've never had contact with me before, or whom I know only in vague passing, asking me about different things - be it relating to medical topics, vintage, or simply life in general. Often, I find, complete strangers eagerly share a good chunk of their life story with, and pour out their problems, to me. I realized, like a bolt of lightning from the heavens one day last September, that, while I am usually genuinely glad to help anyone I can out, at times it can greatly bring down my own (naturally upbeat, happy mood) to constantly be brought in on strangers problems.


I'm not a professional shrink, a priest, or a bartender, but I need to learn to think and react more like these folks, and not internalize and stress so much over issues that, heartbreaking or worrisome as they be, are not my own. I'm happy to listen and provide advice when asked, but I can't do that to the best of my ability if my mood has turned grey because of problems that aren't mine to begin with.


8. Keeping hunting for more of the items on my vintage list: Last year I put down on virtual paper twelve of the things that were, at the time, topping my vintage wish list. More than half a year on, I've crossed two off so far. There's no time frame on this list (which included many more items in addition to those twelve), and the hunt is certainly part of the fun, but I would like to tick at least another one or two off throughout 2014.


9. Cancel magazine subscriptions I don't get a great deal out of any more: I absolutely love reading magazines on a wide range of topics, and subscribe to a few different publications. Some knock my socks off month after month, but last year a couple took a real nose dive in terms of both page count (they slashed their number of pages in half) and content that felt relevant to me any more. Though I do love supporting paper magazines, for the sake of my budget, I'm going to bid farewell to those that no longer make my eyes light up when I spy them in the mailbox.


10. Take more naps outside: I know, that's a somewhat unique sounding one, but as I mentioned in this post last fall, I've always been wild about sleeping outside. We don't have a yard or a deck of our own, but my parents have both, so pillow in hand, I'm going to headed that way come the warmer months for some much needed outdoor zzz's.


11. Look for even more ways to stretch a dollar. be financially savvy, and bolster our income: Like most people, I've made some mistakes in my life when it comes to handling my finances, but overall, I like to think that I'm good with money and that I can be resourceful, diligent, and wise when it comes to financial matters.

As many couples do, my husband and I have certain long term goals, and some shorter term ones that require budgeting (like traveling) that I truly want to see happen in time, and I'm going to try even harder this year to focus on turning those dreams in reality. It might mean making more sacrifices, forgoing momentary wants for longstanding desires, and being ruthless with our budgeting, but I don't mind at all. In fact, I'm happy to do it, because I know what I want to see our life blossom into later down the road.


12. Ask people for things: As someone is who is, typically, astronomically shy, scared to the point of losing the ability to speak by confrontation, and incredibly self-conscious, I've never been good at asking for what I want in life, even we're taking about something ludicrously simple like having the string beans passed down my way at the dinner table. Bigger things? Geeeshhh, you might as well forget about it, unless I give myself an Any Given Sunday worthy pep talk in advance.

Enough of this! I'm a grown woman who has forged her own way in the world, (humbly) accomplished a great deal in my 29.5 years of life, is bright, insightful and and able to speak up when she wants something. The worst thing you can hear usually, really is, "no", and you know what, that usually isn't the end of the world, and more often then not, I'm starting to learn, you'll be surprised by how often you get what you ask for it.



{Hello, 2104! I'm ready for you and have plans, both big and small, to fill each of your awesome new days with. Vintage photo of actress Barbara Stanwyck via Joan de Beauvoir on Tumblr.}

♥  ♥  ♥

Though I could keep going, and certainly will in my daily life, I'll cap today's list at twelve entries, one to represent each month of the coming year. Every one of these things matters to me, they wouldn't be here if they didn't. Some are more pressing or important than others, and will, naturally enough, see my focus turned to them more frequently, but I do truly plan to work on every last one as often as possible.

In addition to these things, something that is deeply important and which I make a conscious effort to do every day of my life is to take stock of my blessings. Be they big or small, new or as old gifts, I find my life is enriched and made more joyful by the simple act of being appreciative of all the good, the love, and positivity that flows through my world.

I have high hopes for, and great feelings about this year. A voice deep inside says that it's going to turn out well. Maybe that's just the perpetual optimistic in me, perhaps its because a new decade (my 30s) will kick off in a few moths, or it could be because such really is going to be the case.

Whatever comes to be, through thick or thin, on awesome days and sad ones alike, this year I'm going to do all of these twelve things and think that the sheer act carrying them out will, in and of itself, help make 2014 an unforgettable year.

Learning to delight in opening up about myself

The Roman philosopher and statesman Seneca once said, "There is no delight in owning anything unshared". Throughout the course of 2013, this line and the truth behind it has floated into my mind often.

At the end of last December, three days shy of a full year ago, I chatted about how instead of goals for the coming year, I was planning to try and live by a set of adjectives instead. As January rolled on however, I began to realize that on top of those adjectives, I wanted to strive toward a certain verb as well: share.

In this case though, I'm not talking so much about actually physically dividing up anything I own, instead the type of sharing that I've been trying to do is to open up about certain areas of my life and who I am with all of you here.

I am the first to admit that I've never been terribly good at sharing in this regard. I know perfectly well that this largely stems from the fact that growing up, there was a lot about my family that I was either told to point blank, or opted to of my own free will, hide from those around me. Secrets, shames, and skeletons aplenty sat like the weight of the world on my young shoulders.

As I grew up, I then hide a lot about the horrible relationship (touched upon in this post) that I was involved with in my early and mid teen years. Very shortly after that period in my life, I became severely chronically ill with a multitude of - by their very nature - private medical conditions (though I have spoken at various times and in various places at length about some of my health issues), which one cannot help but desire to keep under wraps and to themselves as much as possible a lot of the time.

I don't see myself as a victim however of any of these things, and have striven to put either put them behind me or to face them head on and survive as best I can in spite of them. Add to this mix the fact that I am, and have always been, an incredibly shy and private person, and you can see why I've never been accused by anyone of over sharing.

That said, I believe that it can be good for the mind, body and soul to share. There's a fine line between being private and keeping tight lipped about things that 99.9% of the rest of the population would have no qualms talking about.

I was raised in a house where one didn't talk publicly about private things or really even about most anything else that happened to us, where we were often told to never boast or brag or rarely even discuss our accomplishments, and so I grew up keeping things - even wonderful things that I so dearly wanted to share with others - to myself most of the time. Old habits die very hard, and to this day, I still get nervous even just posting a photo of some little treat I bought myself on Instagram, for example. Part of my brain says that I shouldn't, that I must keep every action to myself. This is absurd quite frankly though, and I know it well.

I am not that little girl any more, not by a long shot. I have grown and matured, changed and let ago of lot of the fears that governed my upbringing in the time since then. I will always work at being a more open person, and to that extent have been trying to share more about myself here on my this year (and in the final days of 2012; for example, in the my post about 12 things that I did to make my life better in 2012). This year, for example, you've been here with me as I talked about my years of hair loss, revealed my wig, joined Facebook, hopped on the Instagram bandwagon, shared some of my poetry, and was humbled beyond words by an unexpected gift that helped me to better view my own beauty, as well as a very personal reflection on seeing Calgary again.

{This year, and from now on, I’ll making a conscious effort to reach out and share more about myself with those around me. It’s high time I stopped being afraid of letting the world see who I am, what I love, my thoughts, and my dreams. Image source.}

It (humbly) took courage on my part to talk about all of these things, and I'm truly glad that I was able to muster the amount required to discuss all of these things in a public setting. With each previously unknown (or nearly unknown) side of myself that I've shared with you, I feel like I've grown and also gotten to know many of you better through the experiences you've shared with me in your comments here and various social media sites.

I never set out to be, and no longer have a desire to be, a completely closed book. I know that I'll always be a fairly private person, and that's totally okay, but sometimes it's wonderful, healthy, helpful, and exciting to share, whether we're talking about something major like needing to wear a wig full time or something as seemingly everyday as a new bottle of nail polish that I bought.

I've been writing this blog for over four and a half years now, and in that time I have certainly shared many things about myself, my life, my thoughts and my experiences with all of you, but I want to share more and to feel a greater degree of confidence (in myself) when I do.

The support and encouragement that has come in from all of you when I have posted intimate things here, especially this year, has truly bolstered my confidence and helped me to find a greater sense of inner peace about sharing, and I really want that to continue throughout this year and for the rest of my life.

Our dear old friend Seneca may have been talking more about possessions and wealth when he said what he did all those years ago, but I like to believe that the same sentiment can be extended to life itself. After all, where is the joy in the very life that we live each day if it is not shared, at least in part, with those we love and choice to surround ourselves with?