January 24, 2013

Chronically Vintage and I are both on Facebook now!

For many years I watched from the sidelines as millions (perhaps even billions at this point!) of people around the world joined Facebook. Yet for very personal reasons pertaining to a dangerous, extremely abusive ex who stalked and terrorized me long after I ended our relationship, I held off on joining (because I knew for a fact he was/is there). Often times people would ask me to jump on the Facebook bandwagon, but I couldn't bring myself to do so, fearing the nightmarish can of worms that I might open if I did.

Yet, even though nothing has changed in that regard, as 2012 wore on, I really began to feel like I was sick and tired of living under the fear that individual's potential actions were having on my life. After several heart-to-heart talks with Tony on this subject, I decided about a month ago that it was high time I finally joined Facebook. As always, I will be very careful and take whatever measures are needed (including deleting my account if it truly came to that) to try and ensure my personal safety there.

The decision to sign up didn't come lightly, and I'm still a little nervous about being someplace that I know that person is as well. Again though, I want to stop letting them impart that much fear into my life anymore, and stepping up to the plate, so to speak, by joining Facebook is certainly one small way for me to do that.

So now that we've got that rather heavy introduction out of the way, let's focus on all the delightful fact that at very, very long last, I'm on Facebook!

My personal account is Jessica Cangiano, and here's the fan page that I created for Chronically Vintage.

I would be touched and honoured if you added me as a friend and liked Chronically Vintage's page.





A large part of the reason that I finally felt (as much as can be under the circumstances) comfortable joining Facebook is because I knew that I'd be surrounded by so many friends and loved ones there, and that those connections would (and certainly already have) help off-put my concerns a great deal.

I'm very happy and excited to be a part of Facebook after so many years, and truly look forward to connecting with many of you there. Thank you for letting me share this personal story and huge, huge thanks in advance for adding me and/or liking like Chronically Vintage's page.


*Edit* I just wanted to add, as I forgot to mention it above, that one of the first things I did when I joined Facebook was to block the person mentioned in this article. Thankfully he's the only individual I've had any reason to block so far.

70 comments:

  1. I have sent you a friend request on Facebook. I won't give my full name here, but my initials are MB. I am so pleased to have found your blog and I love your style :-)

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    1. Thank you very much, dear gal, I'm so happy to have you as a reader. I've approved your request (I believe - there were actually a couple waiting for me when I just checked with those same initials, what are the odds?).

      ♥ Jessica

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  2. Just "liked" you page with both my accounts. :) I had mixed feelings too about being on Facebook and Pinterest but I look at it as additional ways to connect and share with people of similar interests. :)
    -Emily

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    1. Thank you very much, dear Emily, I sincerely appreciate the likes. Facebook, for the most part, has been the only site where I've really held off on joining (for the reason described in this post), but no matter where I've gone online, I've been very careful of just what it was that I was divulging publicly (and there are certain things that due to that dangerous ex, I will never put up on the web about myself or my family).

      Thank you again for understanding and the lovely FB likes,
      ♥ Jessica

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  3. Wow, your making huge steps lately! I'm impressed, well done!

    I think there is a possibility to block people, so they don't see your info and timeline.




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    1. Thank you very much, dear Anthea. You're right, you know. I didn't really think about this a few weeks ago as I started to put a lot of the recent changes in my life into motion, but I have been taking some big steps in my life lately. I think that part of me - both consciously and subconsciously - is trying to be more open in the sense of sharing some very personal things and expanding my horizons. I'm enjoying it and plan to continue on this path throughout 2013 and beyond.

      Thank you again, sweet friend,
      ♥ Jessica

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  4. Don't worry about your ex stalking you on Facebook - you can easily block him and he wouldn't see your profile, your photos or anything. You just need to find out his account's name and write it down into the blocked list, which you'll find under your account's settings. So just block him and enjoy the Facebook! :)

    xoxo,
    Monika

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    1. Hi Monika dear, thank you very much for both of your comments. I forgot to mention it in my post, but I blocked that person right away the first day I joined FB (thankfully he's the only person I've had any reason to block so far). He's an extremely dangerous individual though, so even doing that is a risky move on my part, but it's a less risky than not doing so.

      Thank you again, I'm off to approve your friend request right now.

      ♥ Jessica

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  5. PS. I added you to friends - on Facebook I'm Monika Maria Bugajna :)

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  6. Jessica, I'm so sorry to hear you have had such an awful person in your life. No person should EVER make another live in fear. If he does ever think to bother you, send him to your vintage gals who will whop his butt over and over till he gets the message!

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    1. You have no idea how much that means to me, Sean, thank you very, very much. It's truly knowing that I have the support of my vintage friends that gives me the confidence and courage to post about things as private as this.

      ♥ Jessica

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  7. I'm very glad you have gotten out of that relationship, first of all! And I'm glad that you are now on FB so I can join you there too!
    Jamie

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  8. I've been on Facebook for a while as it helps me keep in touch with my elder son. I must confess that I rarely use it at the moment but I'll certainly add you as a friend:) Well done for facing up to the potential unpleasantness.

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  9. I am so happy that you took this very brave step! I am also sorry you had to endure such a thing. Great step in COMPLETELY taking your life back! Yay!!! So many other women go through the same thing, you are proof that you can move on ( with a lot of support)!! Xoxo

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  10. prayers for your safety and peace in all realms of your life. xo

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    1. Thank you very much, K, that really means a lot to me.

      Blessings & happiness to you as well,
      ♥ Jessica

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  11. That is AWESOME! I had an abusive ex myself, but it's necessary to free yourself from the chains, and some chains stay on you even years afterwards. I really applaud you on having the courage to join Facebook and go beyond the hold he may still have on you. It can be scary, but it is so freeing :-) And besides - you have a wonderful husband by your side!

    -Holly

    Veronica Vintage

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    1. Hi Holly,

      I'm so sorry to learn that you had a terrible, dangerous ex as well. It's amazing, isn't it, just how much of an impact experiences with such individuals continue to have on our lives...well...for the rest of them, in so many ways. Likewise I completely commend you on how you've dealt with your situation and want you to know that I'm always here if you need an understanding person to talk to anything regarding your ex.

      ♥ Jessica

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  12. I am glad you accepted me as a friend on facebook!:) You know, I have blocked my horrible, ridiculous ex too in facebook. And it is so sad to hear that you had problems with your ex, its aweful how people want to try ruin other ones life. :/ I hope he has left you alone for good.

    Much love! xx

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    1. Hi dear Sara, thank you very much your understanding and for the friend request, I was thrilled when I saw one from you arrive there.

      I'm deeply sorry to learn that you have an awful ex as well. It's true, people like that do ruin our lives in many ways (or at least try to), and are impossible to forget (no matter how hard we try).

      I've taken great measures to protect mine and my family safety and privacy from my dangerous ex, and thank goodness (knock on every piece of wood in the world), he has not caused any recent problems for me. If he ever does, the law will be involved immediately, I promise you that.

      Much love to you as well, my dear friend,
      ♥ Jessica

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  13. Welcome to Facebook Jessica and congratulations for speaking of his life.

    Kisses
    http://menteflutuante-up.blogspot.com.br/

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  14. Hi Jessica! I sent you a friend request that will likely show up under my name, not web name, Monique Dowling... and of coarse I liked your page:) Look forward to seeing you there, although I am so busy I do not spend much time on Fb.
    It is interesting and scary to hear you had a psycho stalker- you are the last person I would ever have imagined with that sort of problem... so glad you are safe and have a good guy now:)

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    1. Dear Monique, thank you very much for your caring comment and for the friend request (I'm so excited to connect with you there as well). Sharing about my horrible ex in this post is, without a doubt, one of the most intimate subjects I've ever delved into here. For a long time, I don't think, in whatever capacity it related to, I could have even done so. It is frightening to even talk about this person publicly, but I know that I am as safe here on my own blog as I can be anywhere online, and the support of my wonderful online friends and blog readers gave me the extra jolt of courage I needed to finally be able to do so.

      ♥ Jessica

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  15. I'm so sorry you had someone in your life that made you fear for your safety. I'm glad you had the strength to move forward and away from that individual. I'd love to follow you/like you on Facebook but the hubby and I are not big fans of Facebook. Too much drama from people you don't even know. If it weren't for that fact,I'd be all over it.

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    1. Thank you very much for your caring comment, dear Mariela. I completely understand your and your husband's reason behind not wanting to be on FB. The more places you can cut drama out of your life, the better.

      ♥ Jessica

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  16. I had a Facebook A/C but due to repetitive problems with 'so-called friends' and a computer virus which resulted in the untimely demise of my last computer I deleted my A/C. I enjoy Chronically Vintage just the way it is :o)

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  17. Jessica, I also hesitated to join FB for fear of an abusive ex. When I finally did join, it felt like a victory.

    Thank you for sharing your story and for summoning the strength to join the FB world. I look forward to following your posts :)

    Kindest regards,

    Cerridwyn

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    1. Dear Cerridywn, I'm deeply sorry that you've also had to contend with an abusive, problematic ex who kept you from feeling comfortable with joining FB for a long time. It's so wrong that people like that have the ability to control parts of our lives even long after (thank goodness) they're no longer a part of it. I truly appreciate that you shared what you did with, and am so proud of you for joining FB, too.

      ♥ Jessica

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  18. Welcome!! I'm happy you are refusing to let him dictate your behavior! It's your life, own it!!

    Not sure how much you know about the privacy side of FB, but I want you to be safe, so I thought I'd also give some tips. **Be sure to adapt your privacy settings too.** Suuuper important! You may have blocked one person on there, but that by no means indicates he couldn't just make a new account in under 30 seconds. Facebook purposefully tries to make it complicated, but there are tutorials you can read that are super helpful (I like this one for a 101: http://www.techradar.com/us/news/internet/web/20-facebook-privacy-settings-tips-924540)

    It can be as simple as: only people you're friends with can see your posts/pictures/either or. Or it can be as complex as you want - I have 4 different 'groups' that all see varying degrees of what i post. But it's a great safety feature!

    xox Sara J. Wood

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    1. Dear Sara, thank you very much for your excellent tips and advice (as well as that helpful link). I've worried about that point (him creating a new account), too. I don't believe he knows I'm there, but it wouldn't be terribly hard to find me via some of my relatives (all of whom know explicitly that they are to say nothing and to block him immediately if he contacts them), which was a big part of why I held off on joining for so long.

      I'm hoping that things stay on the simple side, but one never knows, and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to stay safe and keep him out of mine and my family's life.


      Thank you again deeply,
      ♥ Jessica

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  19. Yay! I'm so glad you are 'on'. I'm a fan on facebook already, and i'd like to send you a friends request too. :) My initials are M.R. My profile picture is kitty feet. lol.

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  20. It's truly freeing when you actually feel like you can tell people openly about these things.
    I too blocked my ex & his wife from my Facebook.
    I look at my nightmare experience of my ex & think it was gods way of preparing me for the illness that I have. Enduring the abuse made me stronger & more able to deal with Lupus.
    I'll go find you in the morning on Facebook
    Lisa xxx

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    1. Dear Lisa, thank you very much for sharing some of your own harrowing story with me. It's incredibly interesting that you raise the point that you did, because I too began to get chronically ill less than half a year after finally getting away from my horrible ex (though he was still terrorizing and stalking me at the time, I was living on my own).

      I don't think that what I went through with him is to blame for all of my health problems of course, I'm sure that it did not help at all. I think that between a childhood fraught with tons of problems, stress, dysfunction, etc and then three of my teen years spent with that person, my body just broke down and became more susceptible to chronic health problems. There is only so much even the strongest of us handle and sometimes even when we can handle things mentally, our bodies on a very basal levels can only take so much.

      Thank you again deeply for sharing your story with me. I wish you peace, positive health and happiness for the rest of your days, dear lady.

      ♥ Jessica

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  21. Thank you for sharing such a personal story with us. Im sorry that you've had to endure such a person in your life. No one should ever have to live in fear of another.

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    1. Excellently said, sweet friend, that is so incredibly true. I grew up in crippling fear of some of my own blood relatives and other people in my life, then of my horrible ex, so in many ways I don't know a life where I haven't been afraid of people that were once close to me. Thankfully however, since becoming an adult, I've cut ties with all of those people (and of course with my dangerous ex) and have tried to learn how to heal and be healed by the love of those (caring, wonderful) people (Tony very, very much included) around me. It will always be an ongoing process, but the fact that I can even talk about this subject publicly, tells me that I've come a long, long way and I'm incredibly grateful for that.

      ♥ Jessica

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  22. I'm glad you have taken this step to take back your life!

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  23. How exciting, Facebook is just one of those thing with pro and cons. I myself don't use it as often as I used to. I very very rare post anything, but I do "like" many vintage etsy shops and such to get updates and sale notifications. For that I love FB and is pretty cool to still see updates on classmates I "knew" since elementary. (Knew as in we were in the same class for however many odd years but never really became friends but its still nostalgic when you think of them,hehe)

    : )

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    1. Thank you very much for your lovely comment, dear Stefanie. Even I brush thoughts of the aforementioned ex from my mind, FB really is a fun and exciting place. I'm truly enjoying being there (hard to believe more than a month has passed already since I joined) and connecting with new, and old, friends alike.

      ♥ Jessica

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  24. Dear Jessica,

    I'm so sad that you've had this problem. I'm glad you have had the courage and stregnth to move past it and don't let it stop you from doing the things you want to do. I'm a relative new comer to facebook myself and have found it a great way to stay posted on vintagey funa nd friends...I can see you're loving it too. xx Shauna

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    1. Thank you deeply, dear Shauna. It's wonderful that we're both embarking on being a part of Facebook and are enjoying it so much. I adore your description of using it to stay abreast with "vintagey funa and friends", I too am loving it for that very same reason.

      ♥ Jessica

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  25. I friend requested you on Facebook, too. You're one of my favorite bloggers, and even though I don't know super well yet, I'd like to! And if horrible dude ever pops up, let me know. My boyfriend's in the American military and I can hook you up with an A-team to punch him in the face. :)

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    1. You're awesome, Emileigh, thank you very much. It was the support and though that my dear friends here had my back, to speak, that truly gave me the courage I needed to post about this situation.

      ♥ Jessica

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  26. Personally I find FB a great tool as I loathe to talk to people on the phone. Through FB I can keep up with family and friends anyway. I do keep my personal FB very personal, though, keeping it locked to people who are non-friends and also screen more personal things only to my closes friends. :)

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  27. I'm so glad your on fb! It's a right laugh...I enjoy it no end. Block the 'nasties' and I have to agree with Sean....there is a formidable gang of girls on there!
    xxxxx

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  28. brave girl!
    wish you lots of fun and friends on FB!
    and if he does not behave I'll help sean to show him where the action is.......

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    1. Thank you very much, dear Beate. It truly means the world to me to that that my vintage ladies would have my back.

      ♥ Jessica

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  29. I'm sad to hear that you have problems with your ex, hopefully he won't bother you on Facebook. I sent you a friend request and liked the Chronically Vintage site a few minutes ago. Have a happy friday, doll!

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    1. Thank you very much, dear Annie, I love that we'll now be able to connect with one another on FB, too.

      Wishing you a stellar Friday as well!
      ♥ Jessica

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  30. Oh yay I will LIKE your page and FRIEND you too (if that's okay?). My personal account is under my real name (Annora) :) You'll see it! ;) I will help you fend off any stalker/ex!!

    Nora
    NoraFinds

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    1. Thank you very much, dear Nora, that is completely okay. I really appreciate you letting me know the name you go under there so that I didn't even have to give approving your request a second thought. I'm very much looking forward to connecting with you on FB, sweet gal!

      ♥ Jessica

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  31. I "liked" your Chronically Vintage page. It is full of beautiful inspiration. I am glad you decided to join, that means more pretty pictures to see for me. :)

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    1. Thank you very much for the "like", dear Laura, I wholeheartedly appreciate it. I'm trying to post a few vintage snaps and/or stories (so many years or not being on FB to make up for!) there most days, so I really hope you find lots to enjoy.


      Thank you again,
      ♥ Jessica

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  32. I have sent you a friend request :) I don't tend to share my real name on my blog because it is very unusual and therefore makes me easy to find which has had implications for my working life, nothing sinister I quickly add! just don't want work encroaching on private if that makes sense!

    My best friend is not on face book for a similar reason to yours I wish she felt able to take the step you have but i do understand her reasons for not doing so.

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    1. Thank you very much, my dear. I completely understand. My maiden surname is very uncommon (as it would be incredibly easy to find me if I did), and as such (due to the situation with my dangerous ex), I have never - and will never - use it online (and I routinely Google myself to make sure that no one else is mentioning me online using that surname), so I completely understand.

      I'm very sorry to hear that your friend has had to deal with a similar situation. For many, many years I couldn't bring myself to join FB, and truly understand why your friend doesn't want to. If not for my desire to connect with all of you - my wonderful vintage friends - there, I honestly don't know if I would have ever joined. I'm very happy that I have now though and just hope that things will go well and safely there so that I can remain on FB from here on out.

      ♥ Jessica

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  33. I'm glad you're feeling strong enough to jump in the pool. We can't let bad people control our lives. Good for you.

    That said, discretion is always smart. I'm on Facebook but many of my "friends" there are casual acquaintances, work-colleagues and others who don't know about my transgendered nature, so I'm discreet about what I post. We can pick and choose on what to reveal in different contexts.

    Have fun!

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  34. Dear Jessica

    It saddened me to read that you had been through such an ordeal with an ex! I hope that by joining Facebook you get all the positive's it can bring and none of the negatives.

    Simone xx

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    1. Sweet Simone, thank you very much for your caring comment. I share your hope deeply. So far only positive things have happened there about a month in, so surely that must be a good sign of sorts.


      Deepest thanks again,
      ♥ Jessica

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  35. I think that you are very brave to face your fear of this one particular individual. Good for you!

    HRF

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  36. I can understand your nervousness there, but we'll be watching out for you!
    Welcome to FB :) (I've been there a while because all my family back home is on there!)

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  37. *clicks add friend*

    *clicks 'like'*

    Done! :D

    www.mancunianvintage.com

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  38. Good for you! Going to like your page straight away!

    xxx

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  39. Shame that one person can have that kind of impact even after the relationship has ended, hopefully you can make good use of those privacy settings! You can control who can contact you, see your page and everything so I hope it works out well for you

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  40. I just discovered you thanks to seeing that the wonderful "Girl with a Star Spangled Heart" had liked you on Facebook and I absolutely adore what you are sharing on your page and am looking forward to thoroughly exploring your blog posts! However, I understand the desire for privacy - it's the main reason I do not make my blog searchable through Google and other search engines and am very careful about what I post on Facebook. Have fun, be safe and I look forward to reading your delicious vintage posts!

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    1. Hi Arika, thank you very much for your lovely, understanding comment and for letting me know how you discovered my blog. I'm delighted to met you!

      ♥ Jessica

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  41. sorry i'm not on facebook ... but if i had an account - i would follow right away. ;)

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  42. I am so sorry to hear that you had to deal with a person like that :(. You are such a kind, lovely person (inside and out!) and I hope that you never have to live in fear. <3 Huge hugs and if you ever need to talk you can always message me. I am so happy to be able to follow you on FB as well as on here :D

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    1. Thank you deeply, sweet Ash, I really appreciate that. You're a dear, wonderful friend.

      ♥ Jessica

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  43. I've had my profile on FB since 2007, and since then I have deactivated my account several times. The last time was the longest: almost six months. Even though I don't like Facebook that much, it is the easiest way for me to have contact with my friends and host families (I was an exchange student in Norway some years ago), so I ended up reactivating my account. But I'm very careful and I do not share so much about myself with people I don't know. We just have to be careful and block the ones we don't want around hahaha!

    xoxo
    Marcela

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  44. Fabulous post Jessica! I love the picture with the ladies and their perfect enviable bangs! I so enjoy reading your blog - hope your enjoying your weekend!

    Katy
    xox

    http://vintagewife.co.uk

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  45. I don't have a Facebook account to avoid unnecessary drama in my life. I don't plan on signing up ever if I can avoid it.
    Hope this endevour goes well for you though!

    Lisa.

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