Who owns your time?

This was not the post that I had planned to write today. Nope, not in the slightest. With any luck that one will be penned soon and appear here next week, instead I felt that the topic at hand in the following entry was weighing too heavily on my mind not to share about it and by total coincidence (or not, the subconscious being the wily creature that it is), it relates in part at least to my previous post (11 questions and answers about my life as a blogger) here this week on Tuesday.

Last week, in the midst of a challenging and emotionally charged day, while talking with Tony about some of my thoughts and feelings pertaining to how my days are frequently being spent, the topic of "who owns your time" arose. I was the one who said it, but we both spoke for a while on the subject. I should preface that discussion however by explaining that it's not uncommon for me, and I'm sure many of us, to feel not only as though there is not enough hours in the days, but that we're often not able to utilize those hours in the way that, ideally, we'd most like to.

I'm not talking about some pie-in-sky kind of perfect world, where money isn't an issue, you can sip tropical fruit drinks with wee paper umbrellas in them from dawn to dusk on a glistening Caribbean beach, and where nothing ever comes along that stresses you out or throws a wrench into your plans. If such a life actually exists for anyone, I've yet to hear tell of it.

No, what I mean is that in context of the daily grind, it can be all too easy to wear your fingers to the bone, so to speak, day after day, week after week, month after month and feel like you're either just spinning your wheels or worse, falling behind. Or, a third option, making progress and doing some of the things you'd like, but at no where near the speed, volume of accomplishment, energy level, etc that you'd like.

To a degree, this is normal - especially for those of us who dream big and are workaholics (two camps I fall squarely into). It's always better to have more things that you hope to achieve than there are hours in the week, month, year or even lifetime. Striving for goals is incredibly important, as is, to my mind at least, keeping one's self busy in so much as their circumstances will permit.

But what of this busyness? Is it trust upon us or did we introduce it into our lives ourselves? In most cases, it's a blend of both and again, that is perfectly fine in so much as in the midst of it all, one is still able to connect with happiness. Their own personal sense of happiness, that is, on a regular (if not, ideally, daily) basis. By the same token though, you don't want to be so busy that you work yourself into an early grave and/or cause serious damage to your health while you're still here.

We all have an incredibly finite amount of time on this planet. Life is precious and wonderful, glorious and challenging all at the same time and each day that we deposit into the bank of the past, is one less we have to draw on in the future.

The world today is a strange and fascinating place. Of course it has been for every generation, but the mind blowing number of ways in which things have changed in the past few decades is unprecedented and how most of us, especially those who tech and/or web savvy to at least some degree, interact with it is staggeringly different from how generations past went about their lives. Of course we all still eat, sleep, form loving relationships, have jobs and the like, but we also have phones in our pockets, computers in our hands, and certain demands on our time that are a 20th century invention.

Our great-grandmothers may have had to devote an entire day or two to washing their laundry, genuinely arduous and commendable work indeed, but did they have 264 emails that needed a reply waiting for them on Monday morning? Did someone chew them out because they didn't instantly "like" that person's Facebook status update, and for that matter, did they broadcast their day for all the world to see and hear about? No, no, and no.

Less you think I'm against technology and the web, by and large, I'm not in the slightest. I'm incredibly grateful for the internet, which has given me - no joke - everything from my husband (we met online in March 2004) to my current career to some of the dearest and most treasured friends I've ever known.

I acknowledge though, that we as a species were not meant (to quote myself in a recent email with one of those very friends) sit in front of our own personal electronic suns all day. Periodically, I will intentionally take a day or two where I do not turn on my computer or check my cell phone (save for if an Etsy shop related message or sale needs my attention).

Frequently I'll also skip watching any TV or movies and instead throw myself into either working my tail off doing productive things like shooting photos for shop listings, writing snail mail letters, crafting (though that's something that, sadly, I've had virtually no time to do in recent years and which I plan to remedy at least a bit in 2015), organizing something around the house that really needs it, yard saling, visiting loved ones, or conversely, simply taking it as easy as possible, usually with Tony and our pets by my side.

On the days when I'm super productive (offline), I'm nearly always floored by not only how much I'm able to get done, but by how happy - glowingly so, I would say - I am at the end of the day in most cases. I had one of of these days this past Sunday and even Tony commented on how happy he could tell I was in the evening, because I'd been free to do as I please with my time, being delightfully productive in the process, all day long.



{In this demanding day and age, for our health and sanity alike, we must make a point to treasure our time and try to use it in ways that bring us joy, make us feel productive, and that impart more positives than negatives into our already demanding lives. Image source.}


In truth, I set that Sunday aside to be spent like that as a direct result of our recent conversation about time management and just who exactly does own one's time? Chances are you need to devote some of your time to your job and to other people, that it can often feel like they're calling the shoots. In some cases, such as with your boss or young children, they may be. That's normal. However it's truly important to be able to see the forest for the trees some days.

If, as I frequently do, you feel like your day isn't being spent quite how you'd want, step back and ask yourself why that is? I know that a large factor for me is the unpredictable nature of my health and very limited number of "good days" I have, coupled with perpetually diminished energy stores. I can go to bed on Wednesday night with grand plans for Thursday only to wake up too ill because of one or more of my chronic medical conditions and scarcely be able to muster the pep needed to hold my head up, let alone do anything productive.

I've long accepted that this is my reality and made as much peace with it as one reasonably can, but that doesn't mean that it can't still frustrate me and leave me feeling somewhat powerless at times. Of course this is not the only factor in why I sometimes feel that my time isn't my own to do as I want with. Life's countless curveballs, the fact that I live with someone else (my husband) and have pets, family happenings, even the weather (this being Canada after all) can each play a factor there as well, as can work related happenings and various other things.

Life is a continual balancing act. We'll never get everything spot on right, but hopefully we're not in a place where everything is terribly wrong either. It's important to take a breather - and spend time away from the computer, if needed - and access how you're spending your day. Is it the way that you really want to be doing so, and if not, why is that the case? You might not be able (or want) to quite your current job. Your aging parents may need your help for a few hours each week. Your young children will of course require huge sums of your time (and chances are, you love this fact - they're only young once after all), and your spouse will certainly want you to pop your head out of your craft room at least once in a while. :)

However, just as many diet plans instruct you to look for hidden calories and ways that you can ditch negative foods, so too can you take stock of your day and determine where and when you might be able to free up some time or reassign it to a usage that makes you feel more content and productive. Even if you're already burning the candle at both ends, and arguably perhaps even more so if such is the case, you can likely make some changes that will reduce your stress (and, if applicable, anxiety) levels and leave you feeling more like you're in control of your own life.

This can often start with politely saying no to taking on more work, whatever that work may be. It can also mean that you have to let go of some things and perhaps even relationships (of the negative or toxic variety, I mean) and reconnect more deeply with those that have long mattered the most to you.

Tony, in the course of our discussion, asked me how I would spend my day the next day (a Friday) if I could do as I pleased from start to finish. Believe it or not, this question took me aback. I'm so used to working from my never-ending checklist of do-to tasks and to being there for other peoples' needs (which usually entails my own time) that I don't know if I'd ever thought to look at my day like that (honestly!). I spelled it out and he replied by saying "Then that's what you'll do".

It was an empowering and touching sentiment, however for various reasons (such as the delivery of a new mattress and box spring because we weren't thrilled with the ones we had recently purchased in October and decided to switch them with another set, as per the agreement that allows you to do once from the company that we bought them from) my plans didn't happen for the most. And yet...

I found that even just having thought about my day from such a clear and lovely viewpoint, made the whole thing considerably more enjoyable. There was a lightness to my step and a refreshed sense of joy in my heart. I didn't do most of what I'd laid out in my fictitious Friday plans, but I gained something even more important than had I done so. I realized that I own my own time.

Seriously.

And so do you. We may bestow some of it on others, lend it to our employers, barter with it for things we want, and bemoan that there's never enough of it, but ultimately, each of us has the incredibly good fortunate of owning our own time. We can plan and dream and achieve. If something isn't making us happy, feels like a time sink, or just doesn't sit right with us, ideally we can let it go or change the amount of time we devote to it.

I know this all sounds easier said than done, and you're right, it is, but as an exercise in self-betterment, I encourage you to stop and think how you'd like to honestly spend tomorrow, taking those obligations that we can't change into account.

Would you finally put those film camera photos from fourteen years ago into albums? Would you spend all day reading a great book? Would you take a hike with your dog? Plan next year's vacation? Bring your kids to the museum? Go on a 24 hour road trip with your spouse, throw yourself into being productive, clean your house from top to bottom, give your day to volunteer work, or simply put your feet up and do nothing at all other than savour the many joys and merits of serenity?

Having established that much, seriously assess how much you can do to make that happen? If you can't read all day, can you hop off Facebook and read for an hour or two? Chance are the printed word will do far more for your mind, body and soul alike than Buzzfeed lists ever could.

Moving forward from that recent discussion with Tony, I continue to feel more empowered, which is truly refreshing and welcome. Will all of my days go as I plan and be filled with only things I want to do (either for business or pleasure)? Of course not, that wouldn't be realistic for one red second, but they can all begin and end with the same incredibly important truth. When it comes to who not only owns, but manages, my time, the answer will always remain the same: I do.

And that, my dears, is something that rings true for each of you as well. So the next time you feel overwhelmed and like your days aren't going your way, spare a moment (or however many you need) and genuinely, kindly remind yourself that you're already doing so much and that you have the right to choose, at least to a degree, where your time goes. Take it from me, once you've realized this, you'll be amazed by how many extra minutes and even hours sometimes it suddenly feels like you've gained.

For, far too often, it is our stress and worry laden minds that are even more busy than our bodies and hands, and which need to be told that it's okay to hop of the merry-go-round and journey on down a new, straight path that we've forged for ourselves, one beautiful day at a time.