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December 27, 2013

Learning to delight in opening up about myself


The Roman philosopher and statesman Seneca once said, "There is no delight in owning anything unshared". Throughout the course of 2013, this line and the truth behind it has floated into my mind often.

At the end of last December, three days shy of a full year ago, I chatted about how instead of goals for the coming year, I was planning to try and live by a set of adjectives instead. As January rolled on however, I began to realize that on top of those adjectives, I wanted to strive toward a certain verb as well: share.

In this case though, I'm not talking so much about actually physically dividing up anything I own, instead the type of sharing that I've been trying to do is to open up about certain areas of my life and who I am with all of you here.

I am the first to admit that I've never been terribly good at sharing in this regard. I know perfectly well that this largely stems from the fact that growing up, there was a lot about my family that I was either told to point blank, or opted to of my own free will, hide from those around me. Secrets, shames, and skeletons aplenty sat like the weight of the world on my young shoulders.

As I grew up, I then hide a lot about the horrible relationship (touched upon in this post) that I was involved with in my early and mid teen years. Very shortly after that period in my life, I became severely chronically ill with a multitude of - by their very nature - private medical conditions (though I have spoken at various times and in various places at length about some of my health issues), which one cannot help but desire to keep under wraps and to themselves as much as possible a lot of the time.

I don't see myself as a victim however of any of these things, and have striven to put either put them behind me or to face them head on and survive as best I can in spite of them. Add to this mix the fact that I am, and have always been, an incredibly shy and private person, and you can see why I've never been accused by anyone of over sharing.

That said, I believe that it can be good for the mind, body and soul to share. There's a fine line between being private and keeping tight lipped about things that 99.9% of the rest of the population would have no qualms talking about.

I was raised in a house where one didn't talk publicly about private things or really even about most anything else that happened to us, where we were often told to never boast or brag or rarely even discuss our accomplishments, and so I grew up keeping things - even wonderful things that I so dearly wanted to share with others - to myself most of the time. Old habits die very hard, and to this day, I still get nervous even just posting a photo of some little treat I bought myself on Instagram, for example. Part of my brain says that I shouldn't, that I must keep every action to myself. This is absurd quite frankly though, and I know it well.

I am not that little girl any more, not by a long shot. I have grown and matured, changed and let ago of lot of the fears that governed my upbringing in the time since then. I will always work at being a more open person, and to that extent have been trying to share more about myself here on my this year (and in the final days of 2012; for example, in the my post about 12 things that I did to make my life better in 2012). This year, for example, you've been here with me as I talked about my years of hair loss, revealed my wig, joined Facebook, hopped on the Instagram bandwagon, shared some of my poetry, and was humbled beyond words by an unexpected gift that helped me to better view my own beauty, as well as a very personal reflection on seeing Calgary again.



Vintage 1950s woman talking on the telephone



{This year, and from now on, I’ll making a conscious effort to reach out and share more about myself with those around me. It’s high time I stopped being afraid of letting the world see who I am, what I love, my thoughts, and my dreams. Image source.}




It (humbly) took courage on my part to talk about all of these things, and I'm truly glad that I was able to muster the amount required to discuss all of these things in a public setting. With each previously unknown (or nearly unknown) side of myself that I've shared with you, I feel like I've grown and also gotten to know many of you better through the experiences you've shared with me in your comments here and various social media sites.

I never set out to be, and no longer have a desire to be, a completely closed book. I know that I'll always be a fairly private person, and that's totally okay, but sometimes it's wonderful, healthy, helpful, and exciting to share, whether we're talking about something major like needing to wear a wig full time or something as seemingly everyday as a new bottle of nail polish that I bought.

I've been writing this blog for over four and a half years now, and in that time I have certainly shared many things about myself, my life, my thoughts and my experiences with all of you, but I want to share more and to feel a greater degree of confidence (in myself) when I do.

The support and encouragement that has come in from all of you when I have posted intimate things here, especially this year, has truly bolstered my confidence and helped me to find a greater sense of inner peace about sharing, and I really want that to continue throughout this year and for the rest of my life.

Our dear old friend Seneca may have been talking more about possessions and wealth when he said what he did all those years ago, but I like to believe that the same sentiment can be extended to life itself. After all, where is the joy in the very life that we live each day if it is not shared, at least in part, with those we love and choice to surround ourselves with?

44 comments:

  1. This is a beautiful post. :) I wish all the best for you in this regard, in the new year and beyond!

    Cheers,
    Kate

    Artsy Abroad // http://artsyabroad.blogspot.com

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  2. You are such a thoughtful and loving person. I'm happy that you are able to open up and talk about your personal struggles as well as triumphs. There are lessons in all of them although it is difficult to see some of them in the struggles as we go through them:) Cheers to a wonderful New Year to you dear Jessica!

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  3. I'm a very open person (my household growing up was the polar opposite to yours!), but I do struggle with how much to share on the blog. How much is too much? Am I bragging? What if someone doesn't like what I wrote, or doesn't share my opinion and tells me rudely? How much about me personally should I share? I worry about these things all too much when I'm writing a personal post.
    It's hard to share with complete strangers, so I applaud you for taking a huge step and deciding to be more open and share on your blog. I think that's harder than sharing with people you know.

    Hope you had a wonderful Christmas my friend!
    Lisa.

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  4. I don't know what to say. You are very brave, and I wish all the best for next year. :)

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  5. It's never easy to share your private self publicly, and I admire you for doing so! I think you happen to be one of the sweetest girls I've met through blogging, and we have discussed our health issues with each other - that made me feel better that I wasn't alone. I always get excited whenever you post something new - you are a truly gifted writer :-) Here's to an awesome 2014, my dear!

    -Holly

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  6. I can understand the need for some privacy at least. I'm bad about it myself - notice no pics of my face on my blog, or too many personal details about myself as yet? Still really shy... *lol*

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  7. I really was touched by your article. You are entirely 'real' and love things passionately and this why we love reading you. Thanks again Jessica to continue after 4 years of being in our news flux !

    Love, and have a Happy New Year 2014.
    Xxx,
    Lorna

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  8. You are not conscious as we both are equal! I grew up with education to keep everything within ourselves ... feelings are not shown, because they make us look weak ... battles won is not because they make us look arrogant ... so many things, my dear Jessica! Now we are adults and can decide things ourselves than we can show, I'm happy that you share all these things with us, because we share joys and sorrows equally, and that dear Jess ... shows that we are human ... Lot of kisses and warm hugs from my heart for you.

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  9. What a lovely post! And I can't wait to read all of the things you plan to share with us in the upcoming year!

    xoxo
    -Janey

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  10. I'm glad to learn that I'm not the only one who struggles to share things! Not just little things, but EVERYTHING! Would you have and advice or tips on transitioning from "share nothing" to "share somethings" I'd love to become better about this issue.

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    1. Hello sweet Emily, thank you very much for your comment and question. It's an excellent one and a topic that I feel I can certainly write on, though I want to reflect on it for a while before I do - especially as it's still something that, at times at least, I'm still figuring out myself. Look for a post on it later in the year.

      Big hugs & the very happiest of New Year's wishes,
      ♥ Jessica

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    2. In the new year, I mean! :)

      ♥ Jessica

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  11. A wonderful post about a topic that I very much understand. It is quite hard for me to write openly about, well, anything in my personal life and I am taking confidence from hearing that it is difficult for you and you are slowly doing it anyway. I've really enjoyed getting to know you this past year and I very much look forward to getting to know you more in the future. Wishing you a beautiful and healthy new year!
    -Jamie
    ChatterBlossom

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  12. You are LOVED by many-keep that thought thru your life.
    None of us know what others are carrying, so I offer you a smile every day and love from your dear ones when your in need. Oh heck, love from me too!

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    1. That means an unendingly huge amount to me, dear Sue, thank you so very, very much.

      Much love and countless wishes for an amazing New Year to you!
      ♥ Jessica

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  13. When one comes from a place like yours, baby steps are the best strategy. They enable us to test the water and gain confidence. Then, with greater assurance, we can venture into sharing deeper secrets.

    It's been a pleasure and an honor to learn about you. I appreciate your candor and your revelations make me feel closer to you.

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  14. I love your style of writing and learning more about you. Ive become more personal in my blogging over the years and have found it a positive experience

    retro rover

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  15. Wauw Jessica, what a brave post!

    It's so scary to open yourself up on the world wide web. I myself find it very difficult in what I can and want to tell and what not. Sometimes I write posts that I find to revealing in the end and then I delete it. Resulting that I feel bad because I shut down again and not be able to tell the world who I really am and that there is nothing to be ashamed of. I wánt to fight hard, to shoo stigma's away. I am always in dubio and that makes it that I cannot write about what I want. I have had people who unfollowed me because of open and honest posts; it's so discouraging and makes me want to hide. And then when I feel stronger at times ... I don't care people unfollowing me because I am honest on my very ówn blog where I want to write what 'pleases' me.

    I have talked this over with my therapist and he said that I have to find a way to strike the golden mean. And that is difficult.

    I wish you good luck in opening yourself. Because it can feel truly relieving, yet scary at times.

    What I want to add is: you are a magnificent, beautiful and intelligent young woman. And your blogs are always a pleasure to read! I hope that we can meet someday, I am sure we will get along great! :-)

    xx Lindsay

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    1. Dearest Lindsay, thank you for speaking so honestly and straight from your caring, wise heart. You and I share much in common - and I discover more and more with each new post you publish on your blog. I fully understand the desire to delete some posts before they go live. To date I've not done so myself, but there have been times when I wrote ones that were (to me) personal that I kept pushing them further and further ahead from the date they'd originally be slatted for (months ahead even on a few occasions). Ultimately, I've always been happy and even a bit revealed when such posts went live. A certain "let the chips fall where they may" mentality sweeps over me and in the end, I'm grateful that I took the risk and exposed a more intimate portrait of who I am. Our blogs should be our safe havens and places of happiness, and if ensuring such is the case means not publishing a post, that's totally okay. Write always for yourself and your own reasons - if others "don't get you", don't give it a second thought - the loss of getting to know and understand you better is there's entirely.

      It would be a tremendous joy and honour to meet you one day. If you're ever in my corner of Canada, please know that you have an open invitation, darling gal!

      ♥ Jessica

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  16. you are so right, sharing our life with others will make it better. we have a word here in germany: shared is a trouble halved, shared joy is double joy!
    hugs! beate

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  17. Smile and the world smiles with you. Thank you for opening up and sharing with us! I enjoy all of your posts (although I've been pretty silent in the comment dept.) I'm glad to hear your confidence grows and that you are finding/making peace with past battles. You are YOU! And that is absolutely marvelous darling! ;)

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  18. Jessica................. I just connected with your blog yesterday and this is the very first post I have read. For me .............. when someone else allows me to know any authentic aspect of themselves I feel extremely honored and blessed. I believe that the experience of feeling truly connected to another human being even if for only a moment........... is a essential nutrient that we all need to be healthy and happy. I can connect most to another person when they share their truth.......So............ thank you for your candid offering and for giving me such a beautiful start to my day. I feel proud of you.

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    1. Hello lovely Dae, it's absolutely wonderful to "meet" you, thank you very much for your heartfelt, fantastic comment. I too adore it when people are honest, open and true to their souls. I'd rather some was and I disagreed, didn't see eye to eye or even didn't flat out like what they said, rather than that they caved in and were disingenuous or went with the flock just to please their readers (or anyone else). Truth is one of the greatest lights we can each shine in this world, bar none.

      Tons of hugs & the very happiest of New Year's wishes,
      ♥ Jessica

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  19. I think you've set yourself a wonderful goal for the coming year! It's an amazing thing to be able to trust and also deal with some of the (sadly inevitable) knockbacks. I too was raised in a family where feelings and things that had happened to us weren't much discussed, so I can certainly identify with that almost in-built desire not to share. Interestingly though, I've noticed that the few times I have opened up I've had a very positive reception. I think people do respond when they see the 'real' you. Just as an aside, I feel that over the past year you have already shared many personal reflections, while still remaining true to the core identity of your blog - and those have been without a doubt among the most enjoyable and memorable of all your posts x

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    1. Thank you deeply, sweet Philippa. I completely agree with you regarding the fact that most, if not all, of the people who comment on a post that's of a more intimate nature will do so in caring, supportive and understanding manner. I've felt blessed to experience that firsthand many times over the years. In fact, I've never know a more loving and accepting group of people than those I have in my online vintage friends and blog readers - who spur me on to continue to open up more and more with each passing year.

      Countless hugs & joyful New Year's wishes,
      ♥ Jessica

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  20. such a great post from you. i'm a fairly private person too and although i'm happy to share things i've bought and outfits and things like that on my blog, i very rarely talk about my real life, let alone anything bad that happens. it can be a scary thing putting yourself out there, especially on the internet where you never know who is reading. and for me especially, i just have this sense that if i talk about something before it actually happens (i.e. a thing i'm going to do or something that's going to happen) it won't end up happening. it's a pattern i've found happening in my life and the fear of something going wrong is what makes me keep a lot of nice/happy/fun things to myself until after they've happened.

    it is really good to be able to share your experiences with others though, not only do you learn more about other people and what they have been through and how it has shaped them as a person but you can take those lessons and apply them to your own life, and you can also help other people learn and share your lessons with them. i don't necessarily want to share everything with everyone all the time but it's a great thing to do for your own personal growth.

    hope you've had a fantastic christmas and that your new years is just as wonderful! xx

    little henry lee

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    1. Thank you deeply for your heartfelt, understanding comment, honey. It is comforting to know that I'm not the only person who tends to keep most positive things/plans/goals/dreams to myself until they've come to fruition. I've done this my entire life and doubt I'll ever stop, though I have, and will continue to, share something while it's still underway or before it happens (case in point, blogging in advance, and being giddy as all get out, about our trip to Calgary this past September). My husband is the polar opposite in this regard (he'll usually start talking about his plans, dreams, etc from the moment they spring to life), so it's interesting to see such a 180 between our approaches to revealing things there. Neither is right or wrong, just what works for each of us and make us most comfortable and apt to reach the goals we set (which, ultimately, is what matters more than if we spill the beans about in the advance or not).

      Thank you again for your stellar comment. I wish you a joyful, awesome, endlessly love New Year and 2014!
      ♥ Jessica

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  21. I have really enjoyed the little peeks into your life. Your strength in moving onward and upward is very admirable :)

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    1. That means a great deal to me, honey, thank you deeply.

      Have an amazing New Year!
      ♥ Jessica

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  22. As someone who doesn't tend to share to great extent unless I know a person well, whether it be out of shyness or due to the amount of criticism I've received over time from peers for various things, I consider you very courageous in your decision of sharing more. <3

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  23. Jessica, I've just joined Bloglovin and started following a few vintage blogs I've newly found, including yours. From the perspective of a new blog follower, I can say that the opening up thing is wonderful. Straight away I feel enough of a connection to you to know that I want to keep reading your blog and keep hearing what you have to say. As another shy person, I feel how courageous it is. It's awesome.

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  24. I have been doing much the same! Especially when it comes to mixing work and pleasure. I thought the "two sides" of my personality (I have my Moon in Gemini LOL). My Spiritual side (Yoga & Meditation Teacher/ Buddhist) with my Vintage loving/ Rockabilly/ Ex Punk Rocker/ Ex Metal Head/ Activist side (whew that's a mouthful) were to opposite & not congruent to outside eyes. So I did my best to keep my "personality" away from my spirituality when dealing with my clients. Big Mistake. It left my students feeling like they new nothing about me and I knew way more about them. They were genuinely interested in who I was when I wasn't teaching Yoga. So the Last time I relaunched my website I added a second about page in addition to my "bio" called "me" where is personal only info. My students loved it & now they email me things or give me little things based on my "me page". I have even started to merge my wardrobes more (can we say leopard print leggings hello) and more over this has opened me up to students I didn't have before because they relate to my edgy side and want to come to Yoga. So all around a win!

    I am so glad you started to share! I used to skim your blog and now I actually read them, you m'lady are alot more than just cute outfits. I think it is so cool that you used a verb "share" for your intention this year. I'm going to borrow this idea & will be Using Learn & travel as mine this year.

    I follow you pintrest now (you are pintrest ninja BTW) and we follow each other on Instragram as well (I am Nyk Danu Yoga) and I love seeing your posts and pictures.
    On the theme of sharing your post about Nanton which is right outside my back door (I live in Calgary) has inspired a road trip with a gal pal wish me luck. You also recently shared one of your beautiful images with me as well ...so yes I would say Share is the perfect word for your year and we (your readers) are the richer because for it so thank you!
    Blessings to you in the New Year ox
    nyk
    p.s what is your word for this year

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    1. Hello sweet Nyk, thank you so much for your heartfelt, wonderful comment. I can completely relate to what you mean by doing yourself more harm than good by (often unintentionally) being so guarded and private. I've run into that on numerous occasions and in various settings throughout my life, too. I know that I'll never be a completely open book and I have no desire to be, but I do find sharing to have many positive benefits most of the time and love it when I reach a point with a given area of my life, or have something new happen, that I'm actually eager to share (even if that eagerness is partnered with butterflies in my tummy the whole time). It's great to grow and branch out in this respect and to let others get to know me better.

      How fabulously exciting!!! I hope you and your friend have a stellar time in Nanton. It was, bar none, one of the highlights of our trip to Alberta this year for me and I can hardly wait to get back there again one day.

      Thank you for blessing the end of my year with your awesome comment. May 2014 be everything and more that you're hoping for!

      ♥ Jessica

      *PS* Great question! If I had to, right here in this very moment, apply one word to 2014, it would be "new", as in the sense of new beginnings, projects, goals, approaches to life - you name it, just lots and lots of exciting newness (completely with a new decade of my life, when I hit my 30s in July).

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  25. Mother Teresa said: “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” We belong to each other, indeed. The one who shares gives a piece of him/herself; the one who receives the words - receives Wisdom, Bravery and Care.
    Opening up is hard.
    Accepting other's when they open up is better than being given a glittering gift.
    You are gifting us with so much.. and I am encouraging you to do so. Thank you for sharing.. and thank you for caring.

    Hug
    Marija


    P.S.
    Did I say: "HAPPY NEW YEAR"? :)

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  26. Thank you Jessica, I look forward to learning more about you on a personal level. I know it can be painful to share; I felt the same way when my shop was featured, but the feedback I got was so lovely and worthwhile and I realized I had not needed to be so shy. You are kind and loving and I know what you share will be done in this manner and be welcomed by all who matter. <3

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  27. Thank you Jessica, I look forward to learning more about you. I know it can be painful to share; I felt the same way when my shop was featured, but the feedback I got was so lovely and worthwhile and I realized I had not needed to be so shy. You are kind and loving and I know what you share will be done in this manner and be welcomed by all who matter. <3

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  28. You are beloved by many, you always will be.
    I send you a big ole smile and hope whatever is troubling you this day...will pass.
    always know that you are loved.

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  29. I for one am immensely glad you've been feeling more comfortable sharing more or yourself with us <3 I certainly struggle with what I share or don't share while blogging. On one hand, the blogs I like are the honest ones. I like reading everything you share, it's always a pleasure, and an inspiration. On the other hand, I'm always afraid I'll alienate people for sharing more than just clothes. I debate and debate about how much I say, and then I feel embarrassed I may have overshared. It's absurd. For some reason this is strictly a blog thing, for I have no problem saying whatever on instagram, or in comments on other people's blogs. (And very few blog-o-sphere people can see my facebook - only if I trust you. Oh hey look Jessica, you made the list!) Sigh, maybe I need to take a page from your book and let a little more out.

    Happy New Year!!

    xo Sara

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    1. Sweet Sara, thank you very much for your candidness and ability to relate to what I'm driving at here - I really appreciate your wonderful comment. I want you to know that I always admire how frank, honest, witty and wise you are on your blog and social media presences (as well as that you've honoured me with a place in your inner circle). There's no right or wrong amount to share, ultimately, just whatever you're comfortable with, and that's a line that may change and fluctuate over time, but ultimately we know where it is and when we've stepped over it (even if in doing so, most other folks wouldn't see it as such).

      Tons of hugs and endless understanding,
      ♥ Jessica

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  30. I think it is a brave and courageous thing to share intimate details on your blog and I also think that it helps many people who may be feeling something similar or who are in like situations. It also gives a real depth to your posts and adds to the picture of your personality that readers of your blog build up. I feel that sharing is something I could do to work on, as there are aspects of myself that I don't yet write about but they do colour how I am and what I do. I look forward to reading your posts in the coming .

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  31. This is weird, because we've never met, but I feel I know you, somehow, and I wanted to say that I love this post (well, all your posts, really). I struggle with chronic illness myself, and while I don't know exactly what your health struggles are, from the comments you've made at times, we have some struggles in the same direction, I think. (My hair has come and gone over the years; right now, it is mostly there). I too am a fairly private person, and while writing is a kind of outlet, and I find it easier to share in writing than in person, it is still terrifying to open up your soft underbelly and hope no one pokes you in it (or, possibly worse, ignores your vulnerability.... *crickets* is terrible in blogland)

    I appreciate your taking time to comment on my blog from time to time, and so appreciate all the work you put into your own. You've inspired me to think about goals for 2014, and to write them out for sharing!

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  32. At time is may be difficult, as I well know, to open up personal parts of ones past or current time to others. But it is usually very therapeutic. I feel honored that you have shared such personal points in your life with us. It takes courage because when you hit the publish button it is on the internet for everyone to read. I salute you, dear friend!

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  33. Dear Jessica, what a wonderful post. I admire your courage! I'm so glad that in spite of your background you are still willing and value sharing things with us. It scares me to share my personal thoughts, it's hard to expose ourselves, some people are mean and enjoy hurting others. But I think it's so important to be more open for the sake of nice people. I delight myself when you write things that comes from your inner heart, things that flows from your essence, because you are a beautiful person. By sharing certain areas of your live and thoughts you help so many people! Like me for example. Is overwhelming when I read words that talk to my heart directly and I can only cry with joy and contentment. Please step in this 2014 with more pages of inner you. Because we love you! :-)

    Happy 2014 dear Jessica!

    Miss Beta

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    1. Sweet Miss Beta, thank you so very much for your touchingly beautiful comment. Hand on my heart, it brought tears to my own eyes. You're a caring, gentle, compassionate, and absolutely lovely soul and I feel blessed to have you as a blog reader.

      Endless hugs & the very happiest of New Year's wishes,
      ♥ Jessica

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