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November 29, 2012

A few thoughts on the very human act of wanting

In a scene I suspect many of us have taken part in time and time again, I sat there staring at the computer screen not too long ago, debating whether or not to buy something - a timelessly classic dark yellow and forest green plaid dress with a sweeping circle skirt, to be exact.

Like most, I'm careful with how I spend and what I buy, but no matter how responsible one is with money, that's nothing to prevent them from having a wish list a mile long and constantly running into wonderful items that tempt their hearts and wallets.

As I gazed at the online page before me, a mellow early evening light brewing outside and trickling softly through the blinds, I began to think about some of the other items I wanted, and of ones long past that I missed out on. My mind also focused on those I'd taken the plunge on - or which had been spur of the moment buys. Beyond that, I paused to reflect on what I wanted that could not be bought, those things that only time and circumstance can deliver.

Before I knew it, a good ten minutes had passed, and were it not for the kitty darting about in a beam of that golden sunlight that jolted my focus, I might have continued on, digging deeper and deeper into my psyche and the very human desire to continually want certain things for a good deal longer.

There have been many theories put forth over time regarding why we want (want, in this instance, being used to describe something that we wish to see happen or to obtain, but which, strictly speaking, is not a necessary need or element of basic survival), and it is a point I've pondered on far more days than the one described above.

On the one hand it might make life easier if we wanted for nothing (at least on our bankrolls), but I suspect that it would be a somewhat odd, almost animalistic existence, for there is a certain sense of adventure, beauty, and thrill that lies in wanting something - especially if we desire it deeply.

Few amongst us will ever have the ability to snap up everything we want as the whim for an item or experience arises - even the ultra rich have to limit their spending somewhere if they're to retain their grand fortune for long. Having never been fabulously wealthy myself, I can't say as though this is a problem I've encountered, but should it ever crop up, I'll be sure to report back on what it feels like.

No, like the bulk of us, the material wants in my life have far exceeded the reality of what I bought or were given, and that's completely fine - normal, perhaps one might even go so far as to say "right". I was the polar opposite of a spoiled child and I'm grateful for that. Nothing has ever been handed to me on a silver platter, and, I like to believe, that fact has helped me appreciate the things I have been able to obtain - be they large or small - all the more, quite often because I had to work for days, weeks or even months before they were able to come to fruition.

Though, ultimately I don't consider myself an overly materialistic person (having had to part, for various reasons, with nearly all of my worldly goods on three separate occasions, I'm not one to get madly attached to my belongings, nor to build up too extravagant a collection of them), I have no qualms with readily admitting that I enjoy, budget permitting, shopping and acquiring new items.

I also love the feeling of working and saving for something that isn't within your reach the moment you first come across it. Once, in decades not too long past, many items were purchased on layaway plans (which, by and large, are not overly common any more), but online shopping - and much real world shopping now, too - rarely presents us with that option. Instead we must make choices quickly (especially if dealing with a vintage item that might be very hard, if not impossible, to find an exact duplicate of ever again) and, hopefully, decisively.

By the same token, I like - as most of us do - the feeling of knowing that there's something lovely and wonderful waiting for you on the horizon, be it in terms of when you'll be able to obtain or experience whatever it is you're yearning for, or when it arrives at (potentially) long last. Looking forward to something new and exciting can help make the daily grind considerably more bearable, and - I find at least - that the eagerness that comes with waiting can help keep me in a cheerful mood (as just thinking about said item makes me happy).

Buy, pass, save for (if possible), or add to a wish list, be it real or figurative - perhaps to receive as a gift one day. More often than not though, especially when dealing with sites such as etsy and eBay, it's the first two options that surface. You can favourite a piece or add it to a wish list, but timed auctions wrap up in a matter of days and etsy (and Buy It Now listings on eBay) can be snatched up at absolutely any moment. Knowing this compounds the pressure that one feels to make a timely decision - and the one that we hope will be the right choice.

Not every purchase need bring about such cause for thought and debate, of course, but most of us face this "do I, don't?" predicament on a relatively frequent basis, especially if we truly adore an item, but are watching our spending carefully.

Ultimately only you know if it's wise or not to buy right then and there, and if you'll likely regret it in the long run if you do not (as I'm sure you have as well, there are a few items that "got away" over the years, which I'll always wish I could have snapped up, but there are many too that I was able to buy and which have brought me great joy ever since).


Vintage yellow and green plaid circle skirt dress

And so we come back to the dress (pictured - in the etsy seller's photo - above) that launched this whole chain of thoughts on the topic of desire and spurred the creation of this post. For surely inquiring minds want to know, did I buy it?

Yes, my dears, I did indeed, as I knew that doing so wouldn't break the bank in that moment and the dress filled a void (I'd been hunting for a yellow vintage frock for months in a shade that would work with my colouring) in my wardrobe, while bringing me a lovely moment of happiness and contentment once I'd made up my mind to go ahead and call it my own.

Now to find a matching dark yellow vintage hat and begin the the whole process anew. Smile

33 comments:

  1. This was a pleasure to read. I have these mind fights as well and I actually like my thursday blog posts because they let me showcase items that I want and will never be able to own. I am a simple girl that also likes ridiculously over the top and feminine frills. Makes for a battle within at times, but my rational side wins most of the time.
    The dress you bought is wonderful and I wish you luck on your hat search! Hope you post a photo of that too when you find it.
    -Jamie
    http://chatterblossom.blogspot.com/

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  2. - you have described this scenerio that I go through (nearly daily) as I look through ebay/etsy to the T. Add to that the religious mandates of no coveting and it only complicates the matter that much more.

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  3. While I'm sure people, especially women, have always desired things throughout history, our culture is very "Must have new shiny thing NOW!" and it's hard to resist, especially online! I try to hold off on purchases until the end of the month so I can decide if I really want it or not. It often helps me stick to my budget better (no impulse purchases of other things) or shows me that I didn't really love it as much as I thought I did.

    Good luck hat shopping!

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  4. My goodness, I just must say that dress is absolutely stunning. It is just the type of style I like, with that lapel collar, thick flat waistband, 3/4 sleeves, and full skirt, and best of all.... it's in plaid! The combination is just perfect and I can't wait to see what you find to pair up with it and make another one of your gorgeous outfits. :)

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  5. Dear Jessica,

    It is indeed a lovely dress!

    I entirely relate to this post. I, too, believe that not having much growing up has made me a happier and stronger person. Not having "everything" makes me appreciate the things I am given or am finally able to buy that much more.

    We moved many times growing up, and often it was my mother's rule that we could only keep three outfits each. I love that rule.

    Also, my husband and I made an agreement years ago, that we would never keep too many things. So, over the years, I often clean-out my home, even of things that I still love. We have lived in a small house for the last 16 years, which has made keeping it simple a necessity. I have learned not to form great attachment to things, which truly makes my life easier.

    Anyway...this was a fun post to read.

    :) Hope

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  6. Oh yes, I wonder that too. Why do we want? And especially why do we tend to want so much? I think we have to strike a balance between wants and needs and allow ourselves to indulge but responsibly. I think parenthood has taught me a lot of that but I am still learning LOL xox

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  7. A lovely post - I need to do a bit more thinking and a bit less buying. :-)

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  8. I know exactly how you feel. I went from buying everything and anything I wanted under the sun to having to consult with my husband as to what we have to buy (groceries and the like). It's hard not just to charge things and deal with it later. Now that we're buying a car we are watching what we spend even more closely. I've cut out going out to eat during the week and don't go to the movies anymore. It get's pricey. $30 for two people not to mention dinner at around $40. So you're looking at almost $100 in one day. That's a weeks worth of groceries. We're learning to enjoy our home and each other.
    Love the dress and color. Wish I could find something like that in my size.

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  9. I'm so happy (for you) that you bought it... as soon as I saw the picture I thought it is very "you"! Cute dress, good decision:)

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  10. I read that first paragraph and thought "Oh my god! Were we separated at birth?"
    LOL!

    Lisa.

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  11. I think it's just like when we were children and we see something that we think..Ooo pretty! And then we think we need it so it becomes a want. At least that's how the childlike thinking inside me feels. :-P

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  12. I loved reading your blog post today. I always feel like I'm reading a beautifully written book when I read your posts. You have such a great gift of being able to set a scene in words:) The nipped waist is so spectacular. I'm so glad you were able to get this lovely dress. I can just imagine you in it:) I'm waiting in anticipation to see you in your dress:) I can't wait to see how you accessorize it.

    I feel differently when I buy a piece of vintage clothing. I feel like I'm being taken on a journey. It's nice to feel transported. In addition, the garments were made to last. I don't somehow see these cheaply made things of today surviving. It's sad that the tailoring is lost unless you plan to spend $1,000 at a designer boutique. I agree with you about wants. I think it does go back to foundation blocks. When I was growing up, things were very tight for me and my family. My parents divorced when I was young and the result was that we struggled and I realized that in order to succeed I must do it myself. I learned appreciation and humility through those tough times and I'll always have this with me. Even though I can say I don't struggle pay check to pay check, I am thankful for what I have and aware of what things cost and value them.

    Great post sweet Jessica!!

    http://dividingmoments.blogspot.com/

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    Replies
    1. Thank you deeply, dear Joanna. I haven't worn it yet, but it's a thoroughly winter weight appropriate dress, so it will likely make an appearance here this season or in the spring.

      I know exactly what you mean about the journey of buying vintage and the thrill of feeling transported back to a different place, time, and even a mindset toward the important of "investment" pieces that many yesteryear women had. I've experienced those same wonderful feelings before, too.

      Thank you very much for your beautiful comments and for sharing your take on this interesting topic with us.

      xoxo
      ♥ Jessica

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  13. I always want new things. Its funny though, when I am in my closet I see things I have barely/or never wear and I think 'why am I buying new things when I have plenty of them still here in my closet???' Lately, I am trying to only buy things I need. Its not as fun but it will give me the opportunity to wear those long forgotten or never worn pieces I already own. However, every now and then you do still need to splurge and buy something simply because you want it!

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  14. I go through the same thought processes constantly. I often "heart" items on etsy...to pause and think about if I really need/want it...when I return I to view it again I re evaluate the item, weigh up it cost-benefit ratio and its pull on my heart strings.

    Sometimes my delay has caused me to miss out on my item, some other savy lady has swooped in and bought it before me...then I feel a little glum...but I feel it's best to be philosophical and think it wasn't meant to be.

    If I see something I REALLY like, will wear/use and cherish (and it is of reasonable price) I don't pause now, I take the plunge and add it to my cart. Having said this, my purchases are very small in dollar value, but big on happiness facilitation.

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  15. Oh lord as a woman who borders on the shopaholic this is a thought provoking post. I horrify myself at times with the amount of money I fritter away on rubbish, there are lots of reasons why I do it which I won't go into here, you don't need an essay! but I am working hard to change my ways. I now make my self walk away from things or justify things and it's amazing how many you realise are not worth buying at all.

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  16. *swooning* Looove the dress.

    I enjoy posts like this. They let us into your mind, a place I like to visit. Reading your thoughts is helpful to me in many ways.

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  17. How do you manage to take the process of buying a dress and turn it into poetry?

    Thanks doll,
    The Glamorous Housewife

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  18. I think that deep down inside, everyone has a desire for beautiful things, i mean, wouldn't it be weird if we didn't?
    Love Lil x
    www.littleliloflondon.blogspot.com

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  19. Ahh, such an interesting topic. It's awful that we feel guilty for constantly wanting, but like you say, it is a perfectly natural human emotion. The last couple of years have been tough economically over here,and I am definitely having to make wiser decisions and think longer about purchases. I used to make sure I bought one mid-range priced vintage dress a month, but I no longer do that, and instead hunt out bargains more, which can also be very satisfying. Alas, the list of wants continues to grow. Let's hope Father Christmas thinks I've been a god girl this year! Lovely post Jessica, and I am extremely jealous of that frock, I'm glad you indulged! x

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  20. Great post! I struggle with this all the time. Throughout the years while having all of my children at home under my roof, it was a struggle just to be able to feed them all and now that they are all grown, I still feel guilty when buying something unneeded or strictly for myself. I look and desire - all the time - and have missed out on a lot of great things because of my hesitation. But, my life is full, and what I do have brings me great joy.

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  21. Thank you so much to each of you for your lovely, often highly relatable comments on this post. It sounds like many of us go through similar thought processes before making a purchase, and really appreciate all the different takes on this subject that have been shared here, too.


    Huge hugs & tons of happy last day of November wishes to you all,
    ♥ Jessica

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  22. great post ... this dress is the perfect buy. can't wait to see it on you.

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  23. Hi Jess (if that shortened endearment is not pleasurable to your ear just let me know....). Anyway, I so loved this post... it speaks to most of us, I would imagine ladies especially as we seem to be more sensitive to aesthetics in life but men are not completley excluded. The story fits so many of my experiences and I am ashamed, almost, to admit how many wish lists I have out there in cyberspace that I know will never come to fruition but are fun nonetheless! I love the dress and believe you were wise in your choice as after all you were looking for such an item for months so there was a true "need". I wish you the best of luck in your quest for a complimentary hat for your ensemble! :D
    Hugs and thanks for sharing this sweet story,
    Beth P

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    1. H Beth, thank you very much for your immensely lovely comment. Like yourself, I have many wish lists floating around in the vast realm that is the internet, that I know will never come to fruition. In a way I don't mind though. I find that the mere act of adding something to a wish list can often, if only in the moment, almost lead you to feel as though you had that item for a brief moment, and that's often good enough for me. Plus, the fun of finding things you love, even if you never possess them, is not to be discredited either.

      You're certainly welcome to call me "Jess" anytime, thank you very much for checking.

      ♥ Jessica

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  24. I'm so glad you made the purchase! It's lovely indeed. I love the soft color. :) And you didn't buy it on a whim.. only after careful thought, which is good. I find myself wanting a lot too sometimes. I try not to be greedy, and i don't think i am. It's as you say.. a very human quality we possess. Most of the time, when i splurge on myself, it's for a new book.. (not an e-book) but an actual book, or an inexpensive, but sparkly bracelet. I adore bracelets. I can't wait to see pics of you in the dress when i find a yellow hat to match!!

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  25. I really like this post because I find it hard to accept that it's okay and natural to want things. My mom was raised by a single Depression-era dad who instilled in her a strict sense of frugality that she passed on to me. I've always felt like it was virtuous to save and frivolous to spend. I didn't identify with girls my age when I was in high school and their obsession with shopping was off-putting to me. But I'm slowly coming around to realizing that it is natural to want things. It's okay to enjoy material possessions. It's even okay to spend money on them and to allow them to bring you joy. It's okay to be seen as "girly" or even frivolous for my love of fashion. Throughout human history we have cared about what we looked like and wanted to adorn ourselves and our environments with pretty things. To restrict myself from all of that is to deny myself some of the fun enjoyment of life.

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  26. What a delightful post, and absolutely perfect for this time of year!! :D
    (I am glad that you were able to get that gorgeous dress; it will look stunning on you!!)
    My sister and I got the bulk of our Christmas shopping done yesterday, and one thing that always happens when I am shopping for others is that I keep finding all these little things that I want for myself. I've never been very good at holding onto my money responsibly, but hopefully I can make myself enjoy what I already have more and more instead of constantly wanting to buy new and shiny things.

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  27. This was such a thoughtful article to read. It also made me wonder how 'wanting' has changed over the decades with changes and advances in technology, the economy and societal norms. What did people want, and do about their wanting, in the 50's, for example?
    I've been scouring some online shopping websites lately and you've somehow just put a different spin on it all for me.
    I am looking forward to seeing you in that gorgeous dress!

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  28. A very insightful post, our materialistic tendencies are in interesting but often troubling line of enquiry. It's difficult to fight consumerist culture when you also have such a strong desire to buy so much stuff all the time! Definitely part of human nature to want to accumulate resources, wealth and comfort - I suppose when you put it like that it probably is wrapped up with our whole survival instincts but when we have all we need we just don't stop! If you've ever read Plato's Gorgias Socrates said we should be content once we have 'enough' because it's tiring and unecessary to keep toiling for more but his opponent Callicles says if we stop desiring we're not really alive any-more, while he's totally dismissed in the text but maybe he's ideas are worth greater thought...

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  29. I love this post- as I often think I would love to win the lottery but there is a small part of me that worries "what then"? would I necessarily be happy because part fo the fun is the wanting and then achieving before the next desire comes along! Janine x

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  30. Congratulations on the lovely yellow dress.
    I love reading your clever words.

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    1. Thank you very much, my dear, that really means a lot to me.

      ♥ Jessica

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